Dear diabetes you might want about the day I got the test results.
…I thought the past 2 weeks of strict diet had prepared me for this. I was wrong. With all my strong intuition, I wished that I’d go to doctor and hear that test results are negative and there is no diabetes in my body.
Going through the strict diet, I was telling myself (actually promising myself) that I will continue this diet and lead a healthy life and never ever take my diet and my health for granted again.
I imagined I get away with this and this would be my turning point and the wake up call.
Universe had something else in store for me it seems.
The test said that I have type 1 Latent Autoimmune Diabetes for Adults also known as LADA.
My doctor mentioned since I have well managed my diet in the past 2 weeks and my blood sugar is in the range of 120s, I can continue on the pills and no need for insulin. A bit of a hope, but the whole thing was so traumatic that I could hardly see a ray of light in all this.
The he continued saying if I “manage” the diabetes well, I can live a long life like anyone else and there is no need to worry. He then gave me the stats of people having diabetes around the world and told me this is one of the most common conditions – I refuse to call it a disease!- and it is not a very big deal.
Before I start on this subject I must say that I know all doctors are not the same and I am not trying to generalize here. Yet I have seen this experience being repeated by good number of doctors around the world and so I am addressing it.
Are doctors aware of the impact of what they say on their patients?
Do these doctors even see the human side of their business? Does the repetition take away their empathy? Or is it that science and facts and figures makes them forget that a human being is sitting in front of them and not a robot.
I have to say that I am a coach. People talk to me about their pain every day and it never gets old and I never loose my sense of caring in non-attached way.
I know one of my good coach friends has developed a program to help the medical doctors develop this capability. Doctors break bad news to their patient day in and day out. They must now how to handle people’s emotions and how to honor them without being attached.
So I am sitting in my doctor’s clinic once again and have my eyes full of tears and before I know it, the session comes to an end. I go out, pay for the visit and take my car and drive home. But this is not me driving, this is my ghost driving home. I am so glad I made it home safely. Later I thought I should’ve called someone to come and pick me up, but it didn’t even occur to me because I always do everything myself and I am not even used to asking for help in cases like this.
I arrive home to face the reality: Me who always talks about choices, was left with no choice but to start a new life and all I could think of was that I have to continue the diet …for the rest of my life. Of course there is more to it but this is what went on my mind at that moment. So wait, how is that even possible? How could one live without sugar and carb till end of life? How can I live with this huge deprivation till end of my life? What am I going to eat?
On those days I used the word deprivation quite a lot and . I also used many other words and phrases such as “why me?” .As I progressed, I learned that everything I say and every word I use makes a difference. So I am more conscious now.
To be continued…
